The goal in Life Coaching is AWARENESS. More than just a trendy word, we have to be aware of what we are thinking and doing to live with intention and be more in control of our own lives. If we want to be calm and confident going into surgery, or peacefully resting in bed, or attending all of our PT appointments, we need to know what we are thinking about each of those things.
Journalling or what I call a Thought Download is simply getting your thoughts down on paper. The act of writing (yes writing, not typing or dictating) seems to help the brain order and pay attention to our thoughts. If we really want something, we have to know where we are starting.
To keep your journal from looking like a time keeping agenda here are my Thought Download tips:
Thought Downloads can be simple and short or you can really evaluate and spend time on your thoughts, both experiences are valuable.
Thought Downloads are private, no one else should be reading them and should be a ‘safe space’ for all your brain has going on. You can burn, or shred the pages if you need to. It is your choice to share parts of your thought downloads with me in our coaching sessions.
How to Thought Download
All thoughts go into the thought download. The dirty, the nasty, the hopeful… if you are thinking it, the thought can go down in the journal. You are a human with human thoughts. They all go in the journal.
Do Not Censor Yourself. When I first started journaling, I would skip writing about some negative feelings. I did not want to acknowledge that part of myself that didn’t align with my thoughts about what ‘good people’ wrote about. Sure they had troubles, but they never had feelings like ‘hating their own kids right now’. Surely ‘good people’ never wrote about selfish thoughts when their friend inherited money. The amazing truth is: I am a human with human thoughts. Whatever I am thinking is perfectly human. If you want to work on feeling better, you need to know what you are feeling now. You need to know ALL the thoughts.
Do Not Judge Yourself. This is a big ask, as we are so.used.to.judging. Another reason why I would censor my writing was my judgment on those thoughts. “I shouldn’t be thinking this!” “Look at these thoughts! These are the thoughts of a super mean, out of touch with reality, a whiney-cry-baby, stupid person and someone who shouldn’t be in any relationships with people.” Oooof. Any judgment completely holds us back and is actually not true. A problem for most of us is that we believe that we are our thoughts. We believe that what we think is true about ourselves, and we believe that what we think is who we are. If we think a bunch of negative thoughts about ourselves, then we believe that we are negative people. But the truth is that those are just thoughts. They aren’t who we are. Those are just thoughts that we decide to think unconsciously, and we can decide to think something different. Instead of judgment, I have shifted to the thought, “this is what my brain is telling me right now.” Or, I remind myself that these are human thoughts, and there is nothing I can think that isn’t human. I can hold off on my analysis of my thoughts until I get it all down on the paper. It is a completely ‘safe space’ in my mind. I can always burn the pages afterward, even though the writing isn’t for other people to ever see. If you find your mind wandering back to judgment during writing, gently bring it back with a thought like, “oh, I am noticing I am judging myself again for this thought. That’s ok, but I just want to get it all down first so I can ask better questions later”.
Evaluate your thoughts with compassion. Remember the goal of the thought download is just for you to really see your own thoughts. It is a starting point on a map. We need a starting point on the map to see where we want to go. The thought that we should stop the flow to ‘self-flagellate’ or ‘serve penance’ for our thoughts is a waste of time. For example, if you have the thought, “I hate my brother”, then feeling guilt, shame, or other judgements about that thought really doesn’t help you solve the problem. It is better to think, “I see that I have written that I hate my brother… Interesting! I want to know more about why I wrote that.” I admit that personally, this was hard for me. My coaches continually reminded me to be kind to myself. One coach asked me if I have ever seen the TV Show Hell’s Kitchen. They said I reminded them of the pro-chef doing the yelling and the novice-chef being yelled at…at the same time. I was good at offering up thoughts and yelling at myself for them. So, I really have to think with a kind heart. I take a role as ‘observer’ of my feelings to give me some space. I would notice the judgment coming up, and I would almost narrate it into a corner. “Oh, that judgy-McJudgerson feeling is coming up. I’m going to put that over there. This is just the thought you are having right now.”
Run Models. Choose one thought (there will be many, many thoughts) and run a model on it. See what results you made for yourself by thinking that thought. Sit with that Model for a second. This is my favorite time, realizing what I was bringing into my life by thinking the thoughts I was thinking. . Do not worry about choosing the ‘most important’ thought. They are all valuable and can lead to insights. Focus on just one thought, and forget about the rest of the story for a second. When you see what results you are creating by these thoughts you will see where your power is. The only part of the Model outside your control is the Circumstance. Everything else, the Thought, Feeling, Action and Result all are within your own power. I love this. I love the realizations I have had here. “I don’t need to change my husband’s clothing style for me to be happy.” “My anger at my kids was all about my judgments and I can work on that and be less angry without my kids changing” “When I feel like I don’t know what to do, I can really write down my fears and rumble with different possibilities, leading to actionable steps. I actually DO know what to do”.
This is my process for Thought Downloads. This may feel uncomfortable, dangerous, or not worth the time. Keep at it, keep practicing compassion toward yourself for how journaling is going for you. Humans have the amazing ability to think about our own thoughts. We need help ordering them and staying on one thought. Thought Downloads and coaching sessions will soon become your super power to knowing yourself, choosing with intention and living the life you want, not just something on default.
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