The first step in getting the life we want is better awareness of what is already going on. What are the thoughts we think? What do we like? What do we want to stop doing? When you want to think critically about any situation, The Model is a framework that can guide you to greater insight. It asks the key questions to understand what is going on.
My teacher, Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School created The Model when she recognized the pattern that always plays out: humans have five interrelated components when our brain tries to make sense of the world. They are: Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, and Results. If you have a problem, a goal, or wonder why you are doing something, plug it into the model to get a better understanding of what is going on.
“We may think our results are circumstances that have been handed to us and that are beyond our control. But the truth is, we are entirely responsible for our results because they come from our actions and are a result of our feelings, which come from our thoughts. This is great news, because thoughts are within our control. if you can examine your mind… you can gain the skill of choosing thoughts that empower you to create the results you truly want.”
Brooke Castillo
Circumstances
At the base of the Model is the Circumstance line. Circumstances are the things that happen in the world, beyond our control. They are a fact that everyone in the world would agree on, they include no emotional words or descriptive language. Examples of circumstances include “we got divorced in June, 2019”, “my deadline is Tuesday”, “I currently weigh 220 lbs ”, "mom said, "you have always been so stubborn!".
Think of being able to prove your circumstance in a court of law. Unless you are quoting someone's words, there are no adjectives in the circumstance line, no judgements or qualifiers. You are trying to limit your brain to think of this one circumstance, so you can give it some attention. Try not complicate this description by putting in too much, for example: "Circumstance: I am having surgery in June and my daughter's birthday is in June and I weigh 220 lbs." Work on one specific circumstance at a time, you can always write multiple models.
Tip: Some things that may feel like facts are actually thoughts, for example “I don’t have enough time in the day” or "I'm poor". While you may feel like you are just relaying the facts, they are actually subjective. "I have five appointments scheduled for today" or "I have $130 in my bank account" are facts.
Thoughts
Thoughts are sentences that happen in your mind.This is how humans work: we perceive the circumstance and try to make sense of it. We take in the data and our brains make a story about what is happening. Our brain assigns value and judgement in this step to help us become aware of dangers or recognize safety. Ask yourself, when (circumstance) happened, what was I thinking?
Examples of thoughts include "I'm poor", "she shouldn't have said that to me", "What if this surgery doesn't work for me?", "I shouldn't be in this much pain".
Feelings
Feelings are “vibrations we experience in our bodies” and they follow our thought. Examples include: joy, sadness, annoyance, pessimistic, lighthearted, unfair, devoted, awkward, inept, afraid, jealous, pleased and anger...The better our vocabulary for feelings the better we can explain ourselves.
There should only be one feeling per model. If the thought produces multiple feelings, write out multiple models!
Actions
Actions refer to the behavior, reaction or inaction that we take from that feeling. (Notice how inaction like avoiding, or doing nothing is actually an action). Examples of actions are taking a walk when you feel angry, eating food when you feel angry, or yelling at your kids when you feel angry.
There are usually many actions per model, ask yourself, "When I was feeling X, what did I do? When I was feeling X, what did I not do?"
Results
Results are what we see in the world as an effect of how we act. To fill out this line, look at all the actions taken from this feeling. What conclusion can you make from all of these actions and feelings? The result will always be evidence for the original thought. Examples include resentment toward your mother-in-law after a disagreement, and being overweight because of eating when we are not hungry.
Sample Models
Unintentional Model (or a Model of something that has happened in the past)
Thought Download: My husband doesn't understand me or how hard this surgery has been on me. He isn't taking care of me like I was hoping. He barely comes in to check in on me and is so busy with the kids. I thought he would include at least some vegetables in these meals. I bet he isn't feeding the kids any vegetables, either. Man, things fall apart without me out there. I wish I didn't feel so vulnerable here on bed rest. I am relying on someone else for everything but the bathroom!
Circumstance: Recovery Experience
Thought: I wanted to be able to completely rely on someone else while I am recovering from surgery.
Feeling: vulnerable
Action: I haven't been speaking up for myself, I have been feeling sorry for myself, I have a 'my way is best' attitude, I wait for other people to act as I would like instead of using my power and asking for what I want. Acting helpless.
Result: 'made' myself more vulnerable and powerless.
Review: When I wait for my husband to act as I would wish, and when I don't speak up for myself, I am forgetting that I do have some power. I could ask for what I want, I could try to meet my needs in other ways. I don't just have to wait for him to think to add vegetables to dinner. This is very good to realize, because while I am on bed rest I don't want to add to my feeling of vulnerability or powerlessness. I want to think creatively, solve problems like a Boss. Even from bed.
Intentional Model (or a Model for something in the future)
Thought Download: I have a meeting with my child's teacher today to talk about how far behind she is in reading. I don't think the school has done enough work with her, because I know she isn't stupid. This teacher must be stupid and run around with all the other kids in class. I can't stand the teacher implying that I am not working with her enough at home or that she is just not that bright. I hate working with this lady! But I really want my kid to do better in reading. I want the result to be that Erin is better at reading, no matter what the teacher insinuates.
For intentional Models, you do not have to start at Circumstance. For this thought download, I would start with the wanted result:
Circumstance:
Thought:
Feeling:
Action:
Result: Erin gets better at reading
Then work backward, asking yourself, "What actions do I need to do to help Erin get better at reading?"
Circumstance:
Thought:
Feeling:
Action: take the lead in Erin's reading education, different practice at home, maybe get a reading-ability evaluation. Potentially hire a reading tutor. Stop blaming Erin's teacher, stop thinking Erin's teacher is able to handle this.
Result: Erin gets better at reading
Continuing to work backward, ask yourself, "What would I need to be feeling to take those actions?
Circumstance:
Thought:
Feeling: involved, or in charge
Action: take the lead in Erin's reading education, different practice at home, maybe get a reading-ability evaluation. Potentially hire a reading tutor. Stop blaming Erin's teacher, stop thinking Erin's teacher is able to handle this.
Result: Erin gets better at reading
What would one need to think in order to feel Involved?
Circumstance: teacher said Erin is not at reading grade level.
Thought: It is more important for me to help Erin with her reading than it is for me to fight with this teacher.
Feeling: involved, or in charge
Action: take the lead in Erin's reading education, different practice at home, maybe get a reading-ability evaluation. Potentially hire a reading tutor. Stop blaming Erin's teacher, stop thinking Erin's teacher is able to handle this.
Result: Erin gets better at reading
This kind of model lets you practice ahead of time what you would like to if you 'really thought about it'. Instead of acting on default, you get to take a moment to think about what is important to you and your values, and how to steer toward that. This is how we 'live the life we truly want'.
The Life Coach School offers these model tips:
MODEL TIPS
Below is a list of tips to keep in mind when you’re using the Model in your daily life.
You can use the Model for every problem you have. There are no exceptions.
Always be very specific with your circumstance.
There is no such thing as a sad circumstance. The circumstance, no matter how sad you believe it to be, is neutral. Your thought about the facts is what makes it sad.
Even death is a circumstance. Death is neutral. You make death mean something based on your thoughts about the person who died. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t think those thoughts, but you want to take ownership of having them.
The circumstance line should only include facts.
Your thoughts are a choice, whether you consciously or unconsciously think them. They’re always still a choice. Sometimes we choose thoughts that might create negative emotions. For example, we might choose thoughts about someone’s death that generate the feeling of sadness.
When you start paying attention to your thinking, you may not like what you find. Don’t rush to judge your thoughts or change them immediately. Instead, practice being compassionate. Awareness is the first step toward change.
Once you start to use the Model, you’ll begin to see that you have the power within you to choose what results you want to create. That is how you change your entire life to be exactly what you want it to be.
Bad things are supposed to happen. How do we know? Because they have happened since the beginning of time. The Model helps you learn how to process your feelings and create the results you want despite knowing that you’ll have problems along the way.
Typically, people resist, react to, or avoid their feelings. The Get Coached Model teaches you how to experience your feelings. Your willingness to experience negative emotions will directly affect your level of success.
When people hurt your feelings, it’s because they acted in a way that didn’t live up to your expectations. Their actions are a circumstance. How you feel about those actions—your hurt feelings—is the result of the thought you’re having about those actions. Someone else cannot jump into your body and make you feel an emotion.
Being kind to someone is an action.
Not doing something—doing nothing—is an inaction that would go in your action line.
You can make someone’s actions or inactions mean whatever you want.
Your past only exists in your head as sentences about what occurred before. You can decide what story you want to tell about your past, regardless of the actual events. That is how some people use trauma to their advantage and experience post- traumatic growth.
If you can’t figure out why you acted or didn’t act in a particular way, conduct a thought download. Write how you feel and what you’re thinking for five minutes without stopping or putting down your pen. You’ll see how your thinking is causing your results.
Your outcomes are the result of how you think, not the result of your circumstances.
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