Surgery is a unique experience where we may go from completely able-bodied adult to needy patient in mere hours. One of the consequences of our vulnerability is we will not be able to perform at the level we just had this morning. We are going to need to ask for help.
There are all kinds of reasons why we may struggle to reach out for help:
Asking for help can be vulnerable, you could be rejected or judged.
Some people won't ask for help because they don't want to be beholden to anyone. The power shift that a help request might generate makes them uneasy. Consequently, they would rather carry the burden of their problems alone.
Asking for help may be difficult if you lack trust in others. You may not trust others to be there for you or to do the work as good as you.
Asking for help requires you to hand over control to someone else, where we cannot be involved in the methods or results of a task.
Asking for help could be seen as a burden to others, where we think attending to us is less important than to other things.
Take a moment to ask yourself how you really feel about asking others for help specifically when you have your surgery. It might help to list out the things you will need help with as it pertains to your surgery. The more serious the surgery, the more serious the help you will need during recovery. Of course, there is no way to know every detail about the help you might need, but you can research, data gather or guess what your needs might be. The recovery needs of a knee surgery with bed rest and limited mobility for weeks will be different than of a nose surgery with full mobility but breathing difficulty.
Example Thought Download:
I feel OK asking for help with light stuff, but don’t know who would really want to help me with my harder jobs. I also don’t know who to really trust with my most precious people, who can help my kids get through a rough day better than me? I don’t like relying on other people because they often ‘do it wrong’ and then I will suffer for it.
Review of Thought Download
“I feel OK asking for help with light stuff, but don’t know who would really want to help me with my harder jobs.” fear of rejection and of being a burden on others.
“I also don’t know who to really trust with my most precious people, who can help my kids get through a rough day better than me?” Trust issues
“I don’t like relying on other people because they often ‘do it wrong’ and then I will suffer for it.” Trust issues, control issues
Expanding on Thought Download:
“Ah, I see that I have some deeper thoughts about asking for help than I originally had been aware of. I would like to solve for/work on these these fears and issues with my coach before my surgery, so that I can ask for the help I need without these hang-ups.”
OR
“Ah, I see I have been having these thoughts already about asking for help. I have not been asking for help because of my own feelings of fear of rejection or trust/control issues. I would like to work on these issues with my coach so I can lift the burden on myself little while I am recovering.”
Remember to review your thoughts with compassion and curiosity. It will not help to heap on judgement, blame, or shame. One of the biggest practices in coaching is for us to stop judging and think more neutrally. (See blog post on Thought Downloads)
As a life coach, I have seen time and time again how difficult surgical recovery can be. One of the reasons it's so hard is that we often don't anticipate having to work through thought errors that have been quiet our entire lives. We imagine ourselves lying in bed, watching TV and healing at our own pace. But the reality is that we must confront our emotional baggage and ask for help if we want to heal properly. And let's be honest, that's not always fair. It's tough enough to work through thought work during a regular day, let alone when you're healing from surgery and dealing with all the stress chemicals in your body that come with it.
But the challenges don't stop there. You'll likely have multiple unexamined thoughts that will surface only because you've had surgery. On top of that, life goes on around you. You may have to deal with fights with family members, financial stress, or a sick pet. It can all feel overwhelming.
That's where hiring a life coach comes in. We are here to help you navigate those thought errors and emotions instead of just pushing them aside. We provide a calm, thoughtful, and loving presence when your body is already full of stress. So if you're struggling with surgical recovery, know that you don't have to do it alone. A life coach can help you work through those challenges and come out stronger on the other side.
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